Can a relationship survive after cheating?
"If the feeling is mutual, the effort will be equal"
"Can a relationship survive after cheating?" is the most common question after infidelity has occurred, yet is not easy to get the answer. It's more than, whether anyone can answer this question. However, counselling for infidelity or well known as cheating is not uncommon.
Many relationships or marriages do not survive infidelity because the trust has been broken and forgiveness is hard. Most of the time, the infidelity occurs when one of the partners (aware or not aware) feels dissatisfaction in their relationship, or one of the partners feels dissatisfaction in themselves.
However, there are many other reasons for cheating, and they may have very little to do with the relationship, the attitudes, appearances or the behaviours of either spouse. Let's look at a positive way of repairing your relationship and to build the trust that has been broken after the infidelity.
The first step is to involve your partner who has been offended by the infidelity, to attempt to bridge the gaps that have been developed.
Repaired After CheatingTake responsibility.
Face your feelings and your fears, and share these with your partner/spouse who have been offended. Sometimes, the emotional closeness in your relationship has been cut off resulting in one or both of you becoming vulnerable to outside attentions.
Choose time to have this conversation and let the offended partner processes the information in their own time. Please note: it is up to you to disclose the details of the incident. Disclosing it too much or or not enough has equal effect of the injury, however this will differ with each couple in different situation or relationships.
Acknowledge that what you did was hurtful to your partner and be mindful that this may take time to heal. By acknowledging that you are conscious that your partner is injured by your infidelity, coupled with genuine apology and empathy, you express your commitment to repair the relationship.
Committed to change
This may be easy to say than be done. This normally will need a strong commitment by both of you. Building trust after being cheated on or lied to is a challenging period in the relationship. It will need a plan to overcome this. Often, this is where counselling plays a big role in mediating and developing a plan in helping each partner heal.
Put the infidelity or cheating in perspective.
By talking with a therapist, you may be able to get a clearer view of issues that may have contributed to the infidelity and to process your feelings and help you and your partner addressing underlying issues within the relationship. This may involve discussing mutual problems and bring all the secrets out in the open. This may also show that you are able to commit that you are not engaging outside the relationship again,
Although, you may not be interested in details of the affair, you can only find relief from wondering and final closure on the affair by letting go all the secrets. The secrets may make you angry, you can deal with the anger in therapy as part of the healing process.
Misma Hemming - Counsellor, Psychotherapist, Life Coaching, Mentor
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